


The truth is...

by Fanfic_or_bust



Category: Karamel - Fandom, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Canon Continuation, F/F, F/M, KaraMel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 10:34:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9543947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfic_or_bust/pseuds/Fanfic_or_bust
Summary: Picking up immediately after the end of 2x10, Mon-El heads to the bar to digest what has just happened.  He can't believe he had the courage to open his heart and tell Kara the truth. But did he ruin any chance he may have by not telling her the whole truth? Will Kara ever forgive him if she ever finds out? Mon-El isn't used to feeling guilty about things and he hopes alcohol will help...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic in the Karamel ship!!! If you guys like this and want more please let me know your feedback :) I just couldn't keep this chapter in, that last episode was TOO GOOD!!! the first time I watched that last scene both of my hands covered my face and I peeked through my fingers. I hope you guys like this!

              All Mon-El could hear as he closed the door behind him was the sound of his own heart pounding, loud and fast in his ears, like it wanted to escape his chest. Could Kara hear it too? Was she listening? He knew she could hear it if she wanted to, but would she do that? He didn’t think she would… he didn’t think she cared enough. Sure, she said she cared about him. _But not in the right way…_ his internal monologue chimed in, unhelpfully.

Mon-El sighed audibly, running his hand through his hair, then cast a worried glance at her door before deciding he should hurry away before doing anything else embarrassing that she might overhear. He knew personally how hard it was to turn off super-hearing, and hers was so much more powerful than his. More often than not you had to just pretend you hadn’t heard something you clearly did, and hope your poker face was good enough to hide the truth.

And Kara had her poker face mastered. Infuriatingly so, if he was being honest. As he walked the streets of National City back to the bar where he intended to get thoroughly and quickly intoxicated, he replayed all of her facial expressions in his head, hoping to find a crack or something to go on. For the most part she had been void of emotion. She looked more shocked than anything. But there _was_ this lip wobble… and she touched her glasses. And _maybe_ he had listened and her heart had been pounding too. But he didn’t know what to make of that anyway. It was probably just because she didn’t want to hear what he was saying, she didn’t feel the same way.

He turned left here, right there, lost in his mind the whole time. He didn’t need to pay attention to the directions, he’d gone this way from Kara’s apartment so many times before. Back when they’d been close. When she would smile at him or giggle or playfully push him on the shoulder when he’d tease her or say something unknowingly silly sounding on Earth (that happened a lot). Back before he’d ruined everything.

And he was positive that’s what he’d done, though he did grant the fact that he had had no other option. It was that or lose her all together. And he’d rather have her in his life in some capacity than not at all. He had believed her when she told him she no longer trusted him, such was the true-north nature of her moral compass. He truly believed that she would have rather he let her die than abandon those police officers. She truly was goodness personified.

Honestly, her rejection of his feelings was probably for the best… Because how could a man like him ever deserve a woman like Kara Zor-El, anyway. He could probably live 100 years and not be worthy of her love. Thinking about it, Mon-El was almost glad she hadn’t returned his feelings, because he hadn’t earned them. Truly, he was lucky. Because if she had reciprocated, and all because… because she thought that she could trust him… that he wasn’t keeping any more lies from her… how could he live with that? Because it wasn’t true.

Finally Mon-El arrived at the bar. The new door… man? Thing? He didn’t know what to call Za’chik considering their race only had one gender and apparently only reproduced when they came in contact with some sort of mineral from their home planet. He knew this because he’d given it a shot and tried to hit on Za’chik when they first got hired. What was the harm? And the pickings had been slim, since the... incident. But they hadn’t been the least bit interested, which had been a bit of a blow to Mon-El’s ego, though nothing compared to the rejection of Kara Zor-El.

The door peep-hole slid open and Za’chik’s piercing yellow eyes appeared. “Password?” they croaked.

“Come on, Za, it’s me, Mon-El. Open up.” He said hurriedly.

“If you were Mon-El you’d know the password. You’re the one that set it.” Za’chik replied suspiciously. They had been extra-weary lately, and Mon-El couldn’t really blame them. Shape shifters weren’t unheard of, and Za didn’t even know the White Martians were coming, who knows they could already be here. Mon-El had only just heard about that today and they could look like anyone…

“Alright, Za, _Club Soda,_ now let me in. I need a drink, or 10. Maybe more. We’ll see, But at least 10.” He gave a half hearted smile to the toxic-yellow eyes and the peep hole snapped shut, he heard the sound of locks turning, and the door opened. It was with great relief that Mon-El stepped inside. The sounds of pool balls cracking, people talking over the music, it all just soothed him. He let them wash over him. This felt as close to home as he’d felt on Earth.

 _That’s not true._ The voice came from his head unbidden. He tried to push the thought away. She didn’t count. He didn’t get to think of her that way… not unless- not unless she felt the same way back. And she didn’t. But he couldn’t think about that. At least, not until he’d had at least a few of whatever it was in that bottle he intended to drink, the one he’d mistakenly poured for Kara on his first day of work.

Pulling out 4 glasses, he laid them out and filled them all, downing the first one standing there, behind the bar. Lara, the acting bartender, gave him a dirty look. “You know, you’re supposed to pay for those.” She said, her voice full of disdain.

“Oh Lara, don’t be like that.” Mon-El said, smirking at her as he lifted the second cup to his mouth, tilted it back and taking the whole thing in one go. “I thought we had something special.” He said, pouting exaggeratedly. She scowled angrily at this.

“Go sit down. You can only be back here on nights you work. And from now on you PAY for your drinks, you hear me?” She asked him, her webbed finger pointing at a booth in the corner, betraying the only obvious sign she was not native to Earth.

“Yeesh, touchy.” He grumped, rolling his eyes and realizing as he did that the room spun a farther than it should have. He wobbled a bit as he stood there for a moment. What _was_ in that bottle? Whatever it was, it was strong. He picked up the two remaining glasses he’d poured and impulsively at the last moment swiped the bottle and stumbled slightly on his way to the booth.

Slumping down into the worn leather seat of the booth, he took another shot of the mystery drink and felt the world go fuzzier. But not fuzzy enough to block out the constant playback of his discussion with Kara. Memories of images and words flashed in his mind as he leaned forward on his fists, propped up by his elbows.

He was feeling so many emotions, he didn’t really know how to handle it. He had never _felt_ so much before. Certainly not for a female, but if he was being honest, not at all. He had been raised so… separate… so numb to it all. He had never cared strongly about anything during his time on Daxam, because there was nothing TO care about. He had been with dozens and dozens of women there, but he had never cared because why should he? He was promised away anyways, his parents choosing his future mate for political reasons before he had even been born. All the girls before? They were just… for fun. They knew it couldn’t be serious… not with a _prince_ of all people. It had only been too easy to flit from girl to girl, spending his time flirting and dancing and drinking. Mostly to numb the cold dead feeling he had had in his heart his whole life. Well, until now…

He knew no one would understand, but it hadn’t been easy to be Prince. No one listened to him, no one cared what he thought, his whole life had been planned for him since before he had been born. Who he would mate with, where he would study, how he would rule the planet. His father had started taking him on trips to Slaver’s Moon not long before the… before he had been evacuated. Apparently it was time he grew up and started taking part in Family business and affairs.

That had been a real eye opener. He had had slaves his whole life. His nursemaid was a slave, and she practically raised him. He had honestly not really thought much of it, it was such an ordinary part of his existence. But that first trip… it had really shown him how powerless he was to make any changes in his life. He had objected with his father when he saw… when he first truly understood what slavery was. But it had fallen on deaf ears. Well actually it hadn’t, his father had smacked him wholly across the face and told him to stop acting like a child, that this was a long and storied part of the tradition of Daxam.

It hadn’t sat well with him, then or now, to know that that was the kind of place he belonged to, the kind of blood that ran through his veins. But he had always been able to just go distract himself with some new girl to get his mind off of it. It had never set his stomach to turning the way it had recently, knowing in his core that he was a bad person. He supposed he had never worried about it before because he had never truly known what honour had meant before. He had no examples. Good, wholesome, brave people like Kara… they just didn’t exist on Daxam. He supposed what it came down to was that he had never had to worry about being worthy of anyone’s love before… it had just never mattered. But now?

In his heart, Mon-El knew that was why he had fallen short of the whole truth tonight. He kept going over and over the conversation, thinking of ways he could have worked in the _whole_ truth and not just part of it. But there was no way, not without losing her entirely… And as miserable as Mon-El was now, knowing that Kara hadn’t returned his feelings, knowing that the only memory he would ever have of kissing those soft lips would always be shiny around the edges and surreal feeling (on account of him dying)… at least he was still her partner. At least he would still see her tomorrow.

And he had made sure of that, repeated it twice, and she hadn’t said no. Because he didn’t know what he would do if she had said no. That she didn’t want to work with him anymore. If he didn’t get to see her every day. He had to tell her _something_ to save that. As unworthy of her as he was, he was still here, stranded, all alone on a foreign planet and without Kara, he would have nothing. No reason to live, really. And as selfish as it was, he just couldn’t bear that.

To save their partnership, to restore her trust in him, he had to tell her the truth about his feelings. It was the most vulnerable he had ever felt, but he couldn’t tell her the whole story. She wouldn’t understand. She would reject him outright. He threw back his last drink at the thought, slamming the glass down onto the table and shattering it, and just sat there staring at the broken pieces of glass. The pieces swam in and out of focus as he pouted down at them. Then he squinted at the shiny, broken pieces… were they talking to him?

“Mon-El?” They asked, sounding concerned. He twisted his face in confusion and tilted his ear down to the table to listen. “Mon-El, are you okay?” He heard again. From this angle, he could see someone standing at the end of the booth but he shooshed them harshly, his finger to his lips, which he now noticed were feeling rather numb.

“Shhhhh!” He told the figure harshly as he scrunched his face up to listen, pointing down at the table. “The glass is talking to me!” That’s when the figure slid in to the bench across from him and nudged him to sit up straight which he did begrudgingly. He rocked in place for a moment as he regained his balance and the face in front of him swam until it settled into the familiar features of Alex Danvers. Great. Kara’s sister.

“I don’t think you need _this!”_ She said, snatching away the bottle and examining it. “Fermented Tamaranian Ale? You should be more careful with this, Mon-El! Half a thimble and I’d probably be on my ass.” She said disapprovingly. She put the bottle back down on the table and Mon-El grabbed it back quickly, taking a rebellious swig and returning it to the table careful not to smash the glass.

“I can handle it, I don’t know if you heard but I’m the _other_ Superman.” He said leaning forward with a drunken smirk and raised eyebrow. Alex snorted and crossed her arms as she leaned back and examined him. He didn’t’ like the look on her face. She was too smart, too good at reading people. Suddenly self conscious, Mon-El tried his best to sit up straight and not look drunk. He liked to think he succeeded with flying colours but the look on Alex’s face made him think otherwise. It was amused and worried at the same time.

“Ok, _other Superman,_ are you going to tell me why you’re here alone drunk as a skunk talking to table tops? Should I call Kara?” She asked. Mon-El’s eyes went wide.

“No! Don’t call Kara!” He said, probably too strongly if he was judging by Alex’s narrowed eyes at his response. “And… what’s a skunk?” He asked, genuinely curious.

“You didn’t answer my question. And why don’t you want me to call Kara?” She asked. This wasn’t fair, she was too good at this and he wasn’t good at evasion even at his most sober.

“And I honestly don’t know what a skunk is. I guess they drink a lot?” He asked, a last ditched effort at diversion. Alex didn’t even answer him. She just raised one very stern looking eyebrow.

Sighing because he knew he was about to lose, Mon-El slumped down onto his hand, his cheek smooshing up and half closing his right eye. He was going to need another drink.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has discovered a very intoxicated and sad looking Mon-El at the bar and puts off meeting up with Maggie until she can get to the bottom of it.
> 
> Aka Drunk!Mon-El and BigSis!Alex :)

“Now spill.” Alex instructed, sternly. She was hard and tough, Alex Danvers. What was it about her that made people want to jump to do exactly as she said? Mon-El eyed the bottle on the table skeptically. He had been planning to drink it, but he wasn’t exactly in a state to fight her on this so he reluctantly reached out and batted the bottle over, watching its clear, potent liquid gurgle out onto the table. He frowned as he watched it run to the edge of the table and drip down onto the floor.

“Now that was just wasteful.” He pouted, to which Alex snorted another laugh.

“I meant your _guts,_ Mon-El!” She laughed, and at Mon-El’s horrified expression she laughed again. “It’s an expression! It means, tell me what’s wrong.”

Mon-El sighed dramatically, making a motorboat noise with his lips and noticing how numb they were. Getting momentarily distracted he lifted his finger and started playing with his lips. “Are lips always supposed to be numb? I can’t seem to remember…” He asked, and Alex rolled her eyes.

“You’re like a 5 year old, I swear.” She said, and there was both warmth and annoyance in her voice. Mon-El scrunched up his face in confusion.

“I thought on Earth children aren’t allowed alcohol?” He asked, running his finger through the spilled liquid on the table top and sucking it.

“Can we stay on focus, here?” She asked seriously. “I’m supposed to be meeting Maggie soon, but I have a feeling this is important.”

“You’re right, stay on focus.” Mon-El agreed, adopting a drunken interpretation of a serious, stern look. “Lips: are they numb usually or not?”

“Mon-EL!” Alex groaned. “Why do I always end up the drunk babysitter?” Mon-El wanted to ask her why one would want to sit on a baby, but decided not to. He had a feeling she was getting annoyed by his short attention span and his lack of Earth-based reference knowledge.

Getting back on track, Mon-El continued. “No… they aren’t. It must be the Tamaranian ale… because I remember I could feel Kara’s lips, when we kissed. They were so warm, and so soft…” He trailed away wistfully, not noticing that Alex’s eyes had widened to the size of saucers.

“Sorry, what did you say?” She asked, leaning forward and putting her hand on his shoulder as if trying to ground him in the here and now, to make sure she got a proper answer.

“Her lips were sweet, and soft, and I could feel them then…” He repeated wistfully, smiling widely, closing his eyes to remember, his fingers coming up softly to touch his mouth.

“So you do remember!” Alex clarified triumphantly.

“Of course, how could I forget the best moment of my entire life? I would have died happy, right then, you know? But then I had to go and live and ruin it…” Mon-El’s voice may be slurry with the ale but he meant every self deprecating word of what he was saying. Alex frowned in response.

“But why did you tell her you didn’t remember?” She asked, puzzled. He thought about it for a second. How could he put all of his self-doubt and fears into words?

“Because… I was only brave enough to begin with because I thought I was dying.” He shrugged, “I didn’t think… and then I did… and she was, she is… she’s too good for me, Alex. Don’t you see that?” He asked. The words flowed out of him without thinking, his filter long gone thanks to the deadly Tamaranian ale. He didn’t think about what he was saying, that he was ‘spilling’ all his secrets for Alex without holding back… Alex, who was Kara’s sister… suddenly the pieces clicked in his alcohol-hazed mind. And Mon-El panicked. He was sharing his secret with Kara’s sister!

“Alex, you have to promise not to tell her!” He pleaded, eyes wide and connecting with hers, leaning forward and covering her hands with his own. “Promise me you won’t tell her I remember the kiss! It will ruin everything!” To his relief, Alex squeezed his hands back and gave him a tight smile and a nod.

“I won’t tell your secret, Mon-El. I don’t know what it is with everyone expecting me to keep secrets from my sister, but this isn’t my secret to tell. But I think you should tell her, when are you planning on doing that?” She asked, kindly but seriously. Taking his hand back, Mon-El leaned on it dramatically.

“I told her tonight.” He said, not putting two and two together as Alex’s eyebrows knit together in frustration.

“So you want me to keep the secret you shared with her tonight a secret?” She asked, bemused.

“Is that too much to ask?” He responded, before finally realizing. “Oh. Yeah I guess I left that out.” Then he slumped over the table and put his forehead down onto his arms.

“Listen Mon-El, I promise I won’t tell Kara I found you drunk and talking to a broken glass, or anything you say here, but I’d really like to know what’s going on. Maybe I can help.” She prodded gently, kindly.

“You Danvers girls… always wanting to help.” Mon-El smiled, goofily, thinking of Kara.

“It’s kind of what we do.” Alex shrugged. “Now _spill,_ and I don’t mean your drink.” She encouraged with a laugh. “I saw you just a few hours ago at the DEO and everything seemed fine. And you saved James-“

“I didn’t save James.” Mon-El corrected, interrupting her. “We both ended up captured. Kara saved _us.”_

“You didn’t have to go after him, Mon-El. And if you weren’t there, who knows what could have happened to him.”

“I wasn’t enough. I’ll never be enough…” He countered, weakly.

“Now stop that. It’s confusing, first of all. You’ve been the cockiest guy I’ve ever known, I’m not used to seeing you unsure…” She said, a hint of worry in her voice.

“That’s because I’m not used to _feeling_ so unsure. This is new to me, Alex.” He replied, the corner of his mouth turning up in a sad smile. “I really don’t have any frame of reference. On Daxam, I never realized what a selfish person I was, no one had the nerve to tell me I guess. Or it was just expected because I was-“ But Mon-El stopped himself short before he said too much. He saw Alex’s eyes narrow in suspicion. “I’m just, not a hero like her, Alex.” He added, sadly.

“But you want to be.” She prompted. He wobbled his head back and forth, the motion slowly transforming to a nod of agreement.

“She makes me want to be one. It doesn’t come naturally to me like it does to her, though. I’m afraid that I’m always going to be selfish. What if the only reason I want to be a hero is so that I can be closer to her? So that she’ll think I’m a good person and I’ll get to see her every day, and…” He trailed off, afraid to finish his thought. He played with the puddle on the the table with his finger, watching the trails clear and then refill as he swirled it around.

“You think that makes you a bad person?” Alex asked, trying to infer the meaning of what he was saying.

“It doesn’t make me a good person. I wouldn’t be doing this without her, Alex. I’d probably still be working as some crime lord’s hired muscle if it wasn’t for her. That’s what this all comes down to… I’m not good enough for her. That’s why I didn’t admit I remembered. Because I know she doesn’t feel the same as me and I didn’t want to put her in a position where she’d feel like she had to send me away. I just don’t want her to send me away…”

Alex seemed to pause, to think or collect her thoughts. Her face was pensive as she looked down at the table, but when she looked up her eyes were warm and there was a small, kind smile on her face. “Mon-El… it’s normal for people to doubt their motives. Or to have events that… _change…_ them. Things that happen that turn you from what you were, whatever that was, to what you were meant to be.”

“Like a butterfly.” Mon-El suggested, understanding. “Or a Rothlagerian.” He added. Alex nodded, holding back a smile.

“Exactly, like a butterfly. Or a… Rothlagerian… I’m going to have to take your word on that, buddy.” She chuckled. “But when you look change in the eye, and you decide to shake its hand… that is what matters. Like me and Maggie.” She added, and she glowed as she said the name. Mon-El smiled to see her so happy, showing his teeth for the first time since he got to the bar.

“Yeah but not everyone gets the star-crossed lovers happy ending, Alex. Not everyone deserves it.” Mon-El tried to reason.

“It doesn’t get more literally star-crossed than you and Kara.” Alex added, smirking. Mon-El felt his cheeks burn and he looked down at the table, wanting what she said to be true just _so_ much. “So why was tonight the night that you decided to tell her?” Alex asked. “And what happened to bring you here, what did Kara say?”

Mon-El took a deep breath and thought about it. His head tilted to the side, a little like a puppy as he thought. “She didn’t really say much… I guess I didn’t really give her much of a chance. I kind of vomited words all over her and then ran away.” He admitted. “Oh, and I gave her a high five.” He added, embarrassed.

“And how did that go?” Alex asked, holding back her smile.

“Not great, that’s why I’m here.” Mon-El replied, motioning towards the broken glass and spilled bottle. “I didn’t want to tell her, but she told me she couldn’t trust me anymore, and I could tell that she didn’t want to work with me again, and I couldn’t take that. So I thought of the one thing I could say to make her trust me again.”

“Oh.” Was all Alex could say.

“She didn’t believe me that I didn’t remember, I could tell, and I knew if I just admitted it, that maybe she would trust me enough to work with me.”

“Why didn’t you tell her earlier?” Alex asked.

Mon-El sighed. “Because I wasn’t ready to give up what we have. And I like what we have. Its fun, and kind of flirty though maybe that’s just me. But we get along great, and I get to see her every day and make her smile.” He smiled just thinking about Kara’s face lighting up in laughter. “That’s my favourite.” He added wistfully.

Alex grinned at him. “So Kara didn’t say anything at all during your confession of your love?”

“Whoa whoa whoa, who said anything about love???” Mon-El shook his hands in front of him, trying to deny it to both Alex and himself, but at Alex’s penetrative stare he slumped down in defeat. She saw right through him. “Well I didn’t give her much of a chance. But she did say… that she cares about me too.”

“What an awful thing for her to say!” Alex said, mock outraged. Mon-El laughed a little begrudgingly.

“But what she meant was ‘I do care about you Mon-El, but not in that _way_.’” He argued.

“But did she say that?” She pressed. Mon-El shook his head but not in a convincing way. “Listen, Mon-El. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. And I’m _not_ saying that I know anything or that she likes you, this trust circle thing goes both ways and if I knew anything I certainly wouldn’t tell you, but… Kara is not the ‘coolest’ when it comes to love. She doesn’t have much experience and she’s not very quick on her feet when it comes to responding to men’s affections. She’s been known to not believe it, even when they are saying it to her face.”

“I see…” Said Mon-El, not seeing at all. Alex must have somehow known though because she continued.

“Kara is the kind of person that needs to see something to believe it. Why don’t you… why don’t you just work on being her friend for now. Just be there for her, be dependable. And see what kind of hero you turn out to be. Maybe you’ll surprise yourself.” She said kindly, smiling at him supportively. He returned it naturally.

And she had a point. Mon-El felt his spirits rise as he thought about it. He hadn’t lost Kara. He would be seeing her tomorrow. It wasn’t over. He still had time to work on himself, to make himself into the man she deserved. But then his stomach dropped. He remembered. Suddenly the secret he had kept ever since coming to Earth was weighing him down like an anchor, and he felt like he couldn’t bear the burden of it alone for another moment or he might drown. If he had any hope of ever being with Kara, he had to shed it. And now was as good of a time as any to start.

“Well, I think I’m late enough, time to go meet Maggie—“ Alex said, starting to rise. But Mon-El shot out a hand to stop her.

“Alex wait.” He said quickly. She stopped, looked at him, gauged his seriousness and then sat down. “Can I really trust you? That you won’t tell Kara my secret until I’m ready to tell her?”

“Are we back to that?” Alex laughed. “Mon-El, I know the ale is strong but you already told Kara you care about her, there’s no more secret to tell.” But her smile faltered as she saw the pain, no, agony on Mon-El’s face. “I- uh, yeah, Mon-El, you can trust me.” She said, her voice quiet and worried.

“I’m not who I said I was. Who I say I am. I’m not me.” He stammered. _There. It was out._ …Sort of. Alex looked confused, and he could see her hand twitch, like she was thinking of reaching for a weapon.

“You’re not Mon-El of Daxam? Then who are you?” She asked sharply.

“No, well, yes. I am. But I’m not… I told you I was the crown guard to the prince.” Alex nodded, motioning for him to continue. “But what if I told you, I was really… that the prince was me.” He said the last words fast, and to the table. But Alex heard. But in true Danvers fashion, her response was unreadable. She just continued to nod slowly.

“Then I’d have a whole lot of questions to ask. Are you a criminal, Mon-El? Were you running away from something?” She asked him calmly, but he could see her mind working quickly as she put together possibilities.

“Well, yeah, I was running away. You know, from my planet that was being destroyed…” He reasoned. _Even though it shouldn’t have been me in that escape pod,_ he thought privately to himself. But he couldn’t reopen that wound right now. Priorities.

“Then I’d say I still have a bunch of questions, like why you would think to keep something like that a secret? How could that possibly matter?” She asked him curiously. Mon-El dropped his head in shame.

“Because Kara hates Daxam. She barely tolerated me thinking I was a royal guard, what would she think if she knew I was the Prince? And all the things my family did… we weren’t good people… not compared to the Zor-Els…” He trailed off, and Alex rolled her eyes.

“You know you made this like a thousand times worse by not telling her to begin with, right?” She asked dryly. He heard humour in her voice. Was she not taking this seriously? Mon-El had just dumped the weight of the world on her and Alex was getting up to go, acting like it was nothing.

“Well, yeah, I am aware of that.” He agreed. Now standing, Alex regarded Mon-El from the end of the table.

“Listen Mon-El. I promised to keep your secret and I’m going to keep my word. But I’m going to give you some free advice: Tell Kara. Soon. I can see this is ripping you apart. You never know, she may surprise you.” Mon-El nodded up at Alex, pouting a little, then let his head sink onto his arm, groaning loudly and dramatically as he did.

“Why did she have to be so amazing, Alex? Why do I have to care so much? I’m not used to this.” He said miserably, to which Alex shook her head, a rueful smile on her face, and placed her hand on his shoulder.

“I hear you there, buddy, I hear you there. And I’m late for my amazing girl so I’ve got to go. You’re going to be okay, ok? Just. Tell. Kara!” She said every word staccato, making sure their impact was felt. “I don’t want this secret to go on as long as Guardian did! I almost had an ulcer with that one, I tell you.” And with that, she clapped him on the shoulder and turned to leave, off to find Maggie.

“Right… just tell her.” Mon-El repeated to himself, once he was alone. “Easy.” He said. Then with a large dramatic groan he buried his face in his hands, peeking out a moment later to see if there were any drops left in the bottle of Fermented Tamaranian Ale.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Should I keep this one going or leave it here? I hope I got their characters right! When I was doubting myself, I just asked myself: what would an adorable space puppy do? 
> 
> Ps. Your comments definitely motivated me to keep writing so thank you so much! Please let me know what you thought :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the entire bar scene from 2x11 with some addition from Mon-El's perspective. 
> 
> I guess we are back to angst for a while! Karamel is a slow burn, I see that, but I am so 100% positive they are ending up together :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this! It's pretty angsty, but man, so was this scene! Watching it again as I wrote this, just... wow. But it all just adds to the delicious tapestry that is their character arcs. They both need to grow before they can end up together. But they will!

 

It had been almost a week and if it was possible, Mon-El was more miserable than ever. It was probably because he hadn’t seen Kara at all. He had thought he had saved his friendship and maybe more importantly his partnership with Kara by telling her the truth, but he hadn’t seen her since the night that would forever be known as _that night._ The night he confessed how he felt about her and ran away before he could be outright rejected. And despite her promise that she would see him and work with him the next day, things just hadn’t worked out exactly that way.

Mon-El had showed up bright and early, ready to pretend he was ok and hopefully move on as partners in crime (fighting), but Kara hadn’t shown up. When he texted her she hadn’t replied until hours later, and even to someone as naïve and trusting as Mon-El, he had known it was an excuse. She had been avoiding him. And if he wasn’t lying to himself (which he was trying his hardest to do), it hurt.

He could hardly blame her, he guessed. He had made her feel awkward because he had confessed his lov---caring for her. He had to mentally replace the word every time it popped into his head. _Cursed Alex,_ he thought bitterly to himself. He hadn’t realized his feelings were so strong until he had stupidly talked to Kara’s sister while out-of-his-mind on out-of-this-world alcohol. That stuff had been like truth serum and he had woken up with a bad headache but even worse regrets.

And so the week had been long. And it had been made longer because he had given up his greatest coping mechanism as well. It was like he wanted to just cold-turkey (he had just learned that term) all his misery at once. He was already miserable without Kara, why not give up drinking, too? He tried to convince himself he was doing it because he had gotten so over-the-top drunk on _That Night_ , and his body needed a break, but he knew the truth deep down. He was doing it because of Kara. To better himself. Why else did he do anything, since coming to Earth? In the end, that’s what everything in his life came down to these days.

And he knew he could have switched to Coke or Sprite or even just water… but he had in the past week instead become addicted to club soda. He couldn’t even trick himself into thinking that wasn’t because of her. Everything was about Kara, as much as he tried to deny it. And everything reminded him of her. That one bar stool at the end of the bar reminded him of Kara. The booth they had sat in reminded him of her. The big industrial fan near the entrance reminded him of her because he remembered seeing her strong silhouette standing in front of it once. The whole damn bar reminded him of her, he couldn’t escape it.

His instinct was to run. He had never faced feelings like this before, let alone rejection. And to have to deal with it all at once, it was like torture. So after talking with some of the manliest men that had come through the bar about his feelings, he had resolved himself upon deeply repressing them. He would simply push all the lov— _caring_ down, deep down, and every time he saw something that reminded him of her, he would force himself to smile. And find someone to talk to. Because even if his smile wasn’t genuine, it beat frowning, or worse… crying.

So far it had worked. He doubted anyone that interacted with him in the last few days would even know anything was wrong. He did know he was pretty good at that… keeping his emotions hidden beneath the surface. It had been essential to survival on Daxam. He had to be funny and charming on the surface, it was what was expected of him. If anyone had known how soft he really was… He shook his head, attempting to shake the memories of his lost home. _Daxam is dead._ He told himself. _Earth is home now._ He had told himself that same thing hundreds of times now, but it still didn’t feel real. Most of the time it felt like he had just taken a trip, and he would be summoned back any time, and he’d have to leave… to leave Kara… the thought brought up a lump in his throat.

And that’s when he looked up. And she was there. Kara. Standing there, looking for someone. Him? He didn’t know. _Smile, Mon-El!_ He urged himself. _Smile!_ But instead he stood there frozen, gawking at her in disbelief. With her hair pulled back, glasses on, and a chaste spotted blouse, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen… and it just hurt so much he couldn’t bear it.

For what felt like minutes but was probably seconds, he stood there frozen until the voice in his head that was screaming _Move! Do something!_ got too loud and he sprang into action. At first he thought maybe she was there for Alex, or to meet someone else, and he didn’t know what he was thinking, that she might not see him if he didn’t move? It made no sense. But no, she was looking right at him. And she didn’t look happy. _No No No_ , he thought desperately, he wasn’t ready for this. She was here to take whatever hope he might still have (not much) and to make sure none was left. He could tell by the look on her face.

As she walked towards him, he rushed to grab a glass of club soda. He was an expert at pouring it now, he’d been drinking it all week. He knew it was better with lime so he threw in a slice at the last moment and turned back to her to face the music. “Club soda on the rocks.” He said, handing her the glass and wondering if he was succeeding with his fake smile. He sure was trying, but he didn’t think he it worked. The last thing he wanted Kara to know was how miserable he was, but he didn’t think he’d be able to hide it from her… anyone else, maybe. But not her.

And to try to hide his pain, he turned his attention to another patron, doing his best to ignore her. _There,_ he thought, _Just a professional bartender-tendee interaction. No need to talk about things, and definitely no need to hope…_ He stopped short at that part. While his brain knew that Kara had come to put all of his feelings to rest, his heart couldn’t help but… well it couldn’t help but hope. He tried to deny it, but the pain was bubbling up anew and he just couldn’t handle it. He did his best to ignore her, despite the fact that she was sitting right on the other side of his well.

“Thank you,” She said, looking down at the drink sadly. He still wouldn’t look at her. For some reason the guy at the end of the bar was suddenly really interesting. Or so he hoped she thought… He just couldn’t bear to look at her and have her see the pain in his eyes. Because he knew she didn’t need her x-ray vision to see how much he was hurting. He hoped she would leave it there. Just say thank you and then leave him to his rejection. But of course he couldn’t keep ignoring her when she continued. “Uhhhhh, hey. Hey… Mon-El?”

Slowly, with tremendous trepidation, he turned back to her and tried to act casual. Like his heart wasn’t already in a thousand pieces. _Deflect with humour, deflect with humour._ The words repeated in his head as he slowly raised his eyes to finally meet hers. “Uhhh, ya?” He said with what he hoped was the perfect amount of disinterest. Why was she doing this? Couldn’t she just leave it alone?

“I know… things have been a little weird...” She started, scratching her head awkwardly. Instantly any tiny hope that remained that she had come to reveal she felt the same way he did was smashed to bits. Nothing good ever started with an awkward head scratch. _Stop talking stop talking stop talking_ he begged her with his mind, knowing that mind reading was the one power she didn’t already possess, but she continued anyways. “Since… that conversation we had the other night.” She added, like he didn’t already know what she was talking about. He looked away from her, trying to look disinterested. But he couldn’t keep ignoring her for long. She was forcing his hand.

With a deep sigh, Mon-El slumped down onto the bar, leaning on his elbows. “Right.” He agreed reluctantly. He still had hope… not so much for her returned affections, he knew that wasn’t going to happen. But he did hope that if they just talked, and it went well… that maybe they could get back to the way they were before… before… _That Night._

_Deflect with humour._ “You know, I’ve been talking with some of the regulars, and apparently Earth males are only supposed to express their-their feelings about uh, sports and occasionally monster trucks.” He added with a raise of his eyebrows, hopefully with humour, trying to lighten the mood and express to Kara how much he _didn’t_ want to talk about it anymore. “So… who knew.” He added, trying to put an end to the conversation, standing up and turning away, looking for some kind of, he didn’t know, bar emergency? Something that needed his attention, something that wasn’t the love of his life sitting across from him, looking cute as she came to make sure… actually he didn’t know what she was here to make sure of. But he sensed it wasn’t good.

So he turned and walked away from her, supposedly preoccupied by his bar duties, and started pouring a beer. He hoped she’d catch a hint. To his surprise and displeasure, though, she followed him right over to where he stood, stuck until the drink finished pouring.

“No… no!” She argued. “It… was… great!... that you were honest. That’s actually a trait that women like in men, but… but here’s the thing, um…” _Oh no, here we go._ Mon-El thought miserably to himself. Can’t we just not do this right now? Another time maybe? Later? Never? “You were right.” She followed up, causing Mon-El to look up at her unwillingly. His heart had stopped along with his breathing as he waited for her to finish. “I’m not so sure we are a good match.” She followed up, and Mon-El knew he had stopped effectively covering his sadness. All hope lost, he looked at her from across the bar, and then sadly down at the drink he was pouring, just wondering why she was saying this or what she wanted him to say in return.

It took him a minute before he could shake it off and hastily nod his head in agreement, raising his eyebrows in what he hoped was a believable way to show he agreed. Could she see tell he was lying? Probably. But he didn’t see much choice but to go along with it. “Yeah, yeah-yeah, no… um, I’m just glad we’re on the same page.” He lied, hoping she believed him. Instead of looking convinced, her pursed lips and anguished look confused him.

Kara swung her head around awkwardly, like she couldn’t decide if she was nodding or shaking her head, her smile not touching her eyes. “I mean, I-I have my career in journalism that I just started out on, and in the meantime, when I’m not being Supergirl, I really need to focus on that!” She said quickly, the words just falling out of her mouth, and Mon-El involuntarily felt his hopes rise yet again. She seemed to be trying to explain a reason they couldn’t be together that had nothing to do with her not returning his feelings! And he could totally understand it, too… she just started this new job, and Supergirl was already a full time job as it was… He tried not to let his hopes get too high, which was a good thing… because they were about to come crashing down all over again. Because not a second later she continued.

“And, and even if I did have time to date someone, I wouldn’t date someone like—“ And there it was. What Mon-El had been dreading to hear. He knew he wasn’t good enough for Kara, he had always known it. But to hear it from her own mouth? It was a pain he didn’t think he could ever recover from. He rolled his eyes as he turned back to her, only to find her, foot firmly in mouth, playing with her glasses and looking panicked. He didn’t have to be able to read minds to know that she hadn’t meant to say that, but that it was the truth. And now she was going all in, trying to explain her way out of the hurt she had obviously just caused. “Someone who-who- who is…” She trailed off, staring at the ceiling, looking at anyone but Mon-El.

And as she spoke, a strange phenomenon was happening to him. He felt himself becoming numb. He knew maybe the feeling wouldn’t last, that it was probably just a coping mechanism, but he was latching on to that numbness with every fiber of his being and trying to resurrect smirky, funny, playboy Mon-El. The Mon-El that didn’t take anything too seriously. Mon-El of Daxam.

So, channeling all of the Daxamite blood in his veins, Mon-El smirked at Kara as he finished her sentence. “An intergalactic bartender?” He asked dryly. Hoping it was just that. To his relief, Kara perked up, smiling with relief.

“Yes!” She agreed, and he hoped she would just leave it there and let him move on.

“Yes. Okay, good.” He concluded, turning away to other work. But to his annoyance and dismay, Kara decided she needed to further clarify. Like she was upset she had hurt him, like he had misunderstood what she meant.

“Well no… No!” She stammered, hastily following him as he moved down towards the other side of the bar. Why wouldn’t she just leave it where it was? Wasn’t it bad enough already? “No! Because it’s… it’s not your _job.”_ She clarified. _Well great,_ Mon-El thought, _then it must just be me._ “It’s – it’s-“ She stammered, gesturing wildly but not finding the words she wanted. “It’s… the way you are.” She said.

And every word hurt like a lead bullet to his heart. Didn’t she know how much he had worked on himself, how much he had changed since meeting her? If she still didn’t like him, and not just him… _the way he was…_ then what could he possibly do about that?

He stood there for a moment, frozen by the pain the words had caused him. Unable to do anything but nod his head slowly, frowning, letting them sink in. Finally understanding just HOW MUCH she didn’t care about him. He couldn’t think of a thing to say and didn’t want to break down in tears in front of her. Especially after finding out that that was frowned upon with Earth men… He didn’t think he still had the power of speech. But somehow, he managed to pull himself together. Kara was standing there with her eyes closed, like she knew how horrible what she said had sounded, but it didn’t matter. Not anymore.

Smiling his saddest smile, he pointed down towards the other end of the bar. It wasn’t his serving well tonight, but he didn’t care. And he didn’t want her to keep following him. “I am…” He started. _Keep it together, Mon-El._ “Going to go over there now.” He finished. And with that he turned and walked away towards the other end of the bar to start cleaning some glasses. Anything to keep him busy. And by some miracle, she didn’t follow him.

In the future Mon-El would look back on this memory with a sort of haze, like it was a dream. Such was the state of his mind as he stood there, pretend laughing with some aliens about something he hadn’t even heard them say, while he tried and failed to process all of the new, awful feelings going on inside him. Because the numbness was leaving and the hurt was returning and it felt surreal, that he was just standing there, on an alien planet, pretending he was ok while he did everything he could not to look back at Kara, who for some reason decided to stay there, _at the bar,_ possibly just to torture him.

He knew that last part wasn’t true, that Kara would never intentionally hurt him. As she sat there talking to Alex, oblivious to his pain…. He knew she would never have stayed had she known how much he wanted her to leave. He also knew she probably hadn’t meant to say most of what she said tonight. That was part of her awkward, sweet charm most of the time. That she adorably would put her foot in her mouth but always because she had the best intentions. They never just seemed to come out right.

He knew all of this, but he also knew that it didn’t matter whether or not she had meant to say those things to him… he knew that they were true. He wasn’t good enough for her, and she would never feel about him in the same way. The same thing he had known to be true, she believed. Mon-El didn’t know why this should surprise him, but he supposed he had held out hope, because Kara had been able to see the good side of him, even when he couldn’t. He guessed he hoped that she would have remained optimistic and that maybe she thought he was better than he was. That she would see him for the man he could be, not the man he was.

As the pain washed over him, Mon-El dared to sneak a peek down towards where the Danvers sisters were sitting, but it wasn’t Kara’s eye that caught his. Alex was looking at him, and as their eyes met, she frowned and nodded her head in a sympathetic gesture before turning back to Kara. And Mon-El didn’t know what it was about this one little look, a nod of the head, but it took the last of the air out of him. Alex was acknowledging that she knew how he really felt and she was sorry it didn’t work out.

Before that one nod of her head, Mon-El had felt frozen, paralyzed. Despite engaging in benign conversation and laughing with bar patrons and giving the outward appearance of a cool, collected person, he had been frozen to the spot in sadness, in awkwardness, and in desperation. But suddenly, he felt his mind ramp up gears and go into motion. He couldn’t let this be. He couldn’t have people feel such sympathy for him… He didn’t want to be pathetic. He suddenly hated himself for letting Alex know how he felt. He was the Prince of Daxam… if his father could see him now, he would disown him.

The thought made Mon-El incredibly sad. At the loss of his family and planet, yes. But also for stooping so low as to think like that… to think of himself as Prince… like that meant something. That was nothing to be proud of. He didn’t know why the thought had even come to his head but it only further proved his point to himself that he wasn’t good enough for her. Pushing the sadness aside, his mind was moving. He was determined to push through this funk. There was no changing Kara’s mind. She had made that abundantly clear.

Mon-El had to do something, anything, to get out of this funk. He knew he wasn’t going to throw himself at Kara, or concoct some zany scheme or over the top attempt at winning her over. Despite the hurt her words caused him tonight, he still loved her. He couldn’t deny that. But more than that he respected her. She was good, and pure, and she deserved to be believed, to be respected. She came to the bar with express intent to end any romantic hopes that Mon-El may have, he had to take that to heart.

And so, with a heavy heart and a sigh, he turned to a bar regular who had been telling raunchy stories while getting progressively drunker. “Hey, Creed, what was that phone app you guys were playing with? The one with the girls, and the swiping?” he asked, his most genuine fake smile plastered across his face as he handed his phone across the bar. This. This was the answer. He had to move on. It was his only hope.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Please let me know what you thought. Your comments have been super motivational to continue! I wasn't sure I was going to after that episode, but I was kind of desperate to show things from Mon-El's perspective, so I'd love hear what you thought about it :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mon-El has decided to put his hopes in a dating app that leads him to a date with a co-worker of Kara's. 
> 
> Brings us cannon-compliant up to the end of episode 2x11.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to look up! I really hope you like this look inside Mon-El's head as he goes on his date with Eve! I'm getting so excited to write the next chapter and get to the end of 2x12! 
> 
> This is a bit raw and unedited, but I want to get it up asap!
> 
> Enjoy :)

Dating, as it turned out, was very hard. Mon-El was quickly figuring that out and it came as a little bit of a surprise because… finding a partner for fun? Messing around? Nothing was easier! But dating… If the last 4 hours were any indicator, dating was hard.

He felt like he had already swiped through half of the female population of National city and he hadn’t swiped right yet. It wasn’t that none were pretty, or as the guys at the bar said, _hot._ There were plenty of hotties. And some even seemed quite interesting. But none were as pretty as Kara, and none were as interesting as her… not by a long shot. How was he supposed to go from Kara, Kara who was from his own home solar system and understood his heritage like no one else, who altruistically dedicated her life to saving others, whose eyes were like the bluest comets, who made him feel like he was home… how could anyone else ever compare?

The problem is he wanted to find a girl with whom he could move on entirely, he didn’t want just a hook up. That would ultimately do nothing to help get over Kara. He didn’t know if that was possible, but he had to try. And if a hook up or one night stand was all he wanted, he certainly wouldn’t need 4 hours on an app. He probably could have had 2 or 3 just by hanging around the bar today. But a hook up would distract him for a couple hours at most, and he would likely end up feeling even worse about himself afterwards. It would do nothing to take away the pain he was feeling inside.

Because he loved Kara… how could he just—after everything--with some random girl who meant nothing-- he put the phone down in frustration, careful not to break it. What was happening to him? This wasn’t _him._ This wasn’t Mon-El of Daxam. If anyone from back home showed up right now, they wouldn’t even recognize him. These feelings were completely new and utterly baffling… he supposed himself to be unrecognizable at this point. Sighing, Mon-El sunk his head into his hands, his elbows braced on the bar, and tugged at his hair through clenched fingers. He needed to get it together.

On Daxam, feelings had never been an issue. As a member of the royal family, he had been expected to maintain up to several lovers at any given time. Guilt and feelings had no part of it. He had always trended towards a lower number, something that had forever angered his father, but he was still as happy as a Triloback in roncorn season to have his 2 or 3 girlfriends going, plus the one he would inevitably be chasing at any given moment. He led a fun life, more or less. And it wasn’t like rejection was new to him, as though he had never been rejected, he was no stranger to the chase after all. Many Daxamite girls liked playing hard to get, but never before… _never…_ had he ever cared for anyone so deeply. Never had it hurt like this. _It had never hurt at all_ if he was being honest, but to go from how he used to be, to this… the shock to his system was almost too much.

Mon-El had always felt like a bit of an outsider among his family and friends in the nobility, but he had still been a Daxamite at the end of the day… and he had been one of considerable privilege. He had never wanted for anything, and as a result, things like _value_ and _worth_ had meant little to him. Nothing, actually, had ever really meant much to him. Not his girlfriends, not his multitude of riches and possessions, not even himself. He thought that that had probably been how he had managed to cheat death so many times in his life… because he simply didn’t care all that much. Live? Die? Nothing really mattered when you cared about almost nothing. And death had always had a funny way of finding the people that tried hardest to avoid it, he had found.

None of that mattered anymore, of course. Because Daxam was gone and home was Earth now. And as much as he wanted Kara to be his home, his true north, she didn’t feel the same. But he couldn’t help remember it all and get lost in the sucking abyss of memories and ghosts from his past as he was confronted with the change he was seeing in himself. The change that brought him to the crossroads he currently found himself in.

He had begun to change soon after coming to Earth… after meeting Kara. He had spent months denying it, and trying not to acknowledge it, but it had been undeniable from the start if he didn’t lie to himself. Kara Zor-El was creeping in under his skin and into his heart and she not only made him want to be with her, she made him want to be a better person. And with every unselfish act, every choice the _old_ Mon-El would not have made, he found himself irreversibly changed. Little by little. Until he became what he was today. Someone that may have looked the same on the outside but inside was completely new.

Like Alex had said… he was transforming. And like a caterpillar, once it gets in that cocoon… there is no going back. He was going to become a butterfly whether he liked it or not. Kara had set him on that path and it couldn’t change. Even if he couldn’t be with her physically or emotionally, he was going to be the hero that she made him want to be. He could be there for her in other ways. He could help protect her (in the rare occasion she needed it). He could be a friend. He knew how lonely she had been getting lately, especially since Alex had been in the honeymoon phase with Maggie, and James and Winn were using every spare minute for Guardian. And J’onn… he was more of a father figure, not so much a friend for her.

But Mon-El couldn’t be her friend, not yet. It was all still too raw. And so he picked the phone back up. If he was _ever_ going to have a hope to be back in Kara’s life (and that was all that mattered, even if she didn’t love him), then he was going to have to move on. For real. He’d have to find someone almost as perfect (because he was positive that perfect was only reserved for Kara) and he’d have to develop real feelings for this person, strong ones. Feelings that would rival his feelings for Kara. Feelings that would distract him enough to give him the confidence to insert himself back into Kara’s life and give her the support she deserved.

Mon-El was determined for this to happen. In a rush, actually. Because every minute wasted was a minute not with Kara. And so he started swiping (left). Again and again, faster and faster, until suddenly he stopped. His finger hovered over the screen, almost ready to swipe left but he hesitated. A blonde, smiling face looked up at him. One he recognized. _Eve._

He smiled. He liked Eve, from the little he knew her. She was perky, and fun. He also knew her to be smart and he got the impression of kindness from her. She was also pretty darn cute. Her profile read “Far too busy to be doing this, and yet I can’t close the door to love entirely. Work is my life right now and my boss is domineering to say the least, so I don’t see how this can work out, but you don’t find love unless you put yourself out there.”

Mon-El stared at the screen for a minute or two before taking a deep breath and finally, for the first time, swiping right.

 

 

 

“I couldn’t believe when I got the notification and it was you!” Eve squeaked as they sat at the table, waiting to be served. She was everything he remembered… perky, fun, cute… and yet he was having trouble following a single word that came out of her mouth. His mind was still on that horribly awkward and ill-timed meeting with Kara after picking Eve up. Why had Kara been acting that way? Why did she have to have seen him on his date? Did he say the right thing? What did it all mean? “I mean, I haven’t used that app in months, I’d kind of put dating on the backburner, but when I saw it was you, I just thought… _why not,_ you know?” She continued, unperturbed, though now she sat smiling at him, waiting for him to respond.

“Uhh, yeah, well I’m glad you accepted my invitation.” He said, not entirely sure it was the appropriate response because he hadn’t been fully listening, so just to be safe he flashed her a smile and nodded.

“Oh, well of course I would, Mike! Because, I mean, you—well, you’re you, and—I just didn’t expect this from you?” She added the last part hastily, and somewhat suspiciously, though still brightly and sweet. Mon-El’s eyes shifted at the implication.

“Yeah, well… I just… I guess I just thought it was time to start trying to—“ He paused, then bobbled his head around and smiled with raised eyebrows, “Put myself out there, as they say.” He always found humour, or a humourous tone to be the best option when you couldn’t tell the truth. Eve smiled and dipped her head shyly, the reaction he was going for, to his relief. “Especially after—“ He continued, stupidly. How did he expect to finish that sentence with Eve? Her head snapped up at this.

“Afterrrr?” she prompted. Mon-El’s eyes went wide and he puffed out his cheeks, shaking his head slightly and pretending to play dumb, like he didn’t know what she was talking about. But he couldn’t keep that up… she had ears and she had just heard him paint himself into a corner. Playing dumb was just a way to stall long enough to come up with a response.

“After?” He started. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Oh, after, you know, my big, uh – move – to National City.” He groped for an answer, nailing it, in his own opinion.

“Oh yeah, how are you liking it?” She responded, but Mon-El got the impression she was just humouring him and would have liked to ask questions about his hesitant response.

“Oh it’s _great._ Things are great. The people are great.” He responded, his mind on one person in particular. His face must have betrayed his thoughts, though, as she asked.

“And Kara?” She tried to slip it in casually, but her eyes were sharp. Not angry, but pointed. Inquisitive.

“Kara? Oh, well Kara is great. I mean, she’s the best.” Caught off guard, Mon-El accidentally _answered_ her. Like, with the truth. Bad, _bad_ Mon-El! He felt the blood run from his cheeks, he wondered if he was as white as a ghost.

“Yeah, Kara’s a sweetheart…” She agreed, sitting up and leaning back in her chair a little. Away from Mon-El, he noticed. Previously she had been leaning towards him. This shift in body language was not looking good. “I noticed, things were a little…” She prompted, leaving it to Mon-El to finish the thought. He wondered if he should play dumb, so he shot his eyebrows up, trying to look confused.

“Huh? Oh? Nooo, things are great…” He tried, but Eve was having none of it.

“Mike, I couldn’t help but notice…” And Mon-El wanted to stop her, to disagree, but he also wanted to know what she noticed. He couldn’t stop replaying the whole, awful interaction over and over in his head. Eve hadn’t been witness to most of it, most of the things he would love to have another opinion on, but she’d at least been witness to the tension.

“Hmmm?” He tried to at least politely play dumb.

“Well, things seemed a little… well, tense. Is there something I should know?”

“Tense? Oh? You got, you got _tense_ from that? I don’t, I don’t see it…” He joked, facetiously. This earned a smile from Eve, though she didn’t lean forward.

“Yeah, you could say so…” She laughed a little.

“It was nothing, we’re not- anything- that was nothing.” He tried to reassure her, to get the date back on track. But it was off the rails already.

“Ok.” She said, nodding as if she was willing to let it go, but she wasn’t believing what he said.

“We’re not- you know, Kara and I, we’re just friends.” He clarified.

“Mmhmm,” Eve responded, neither agreeing or disagreeing, making Mon-El feel the need to defend himself.

“I-I’m looking to date, actually. Hoping to find someone to spend time with, to connect with.”

“I saw that in your profile.” Eve replied, smiling kindly, though she was still sitting back in her seat, Mon-El noticed. Before he had started talking she was giggling and flirty and leaned into him at every opportunity. He felt the date slipping away from him, though he didn’t know what could be done about it.

Rather than distract him, all Eve was doing was making him think of Kara. Which in turn was showing him the need for the date with Eve, because Gods Damnit, he needed to stop thinking of her. She didn’t _like_ him! It would only bring him pain to keep thinking of her when she didn’t like him back.

“Yeah, so…” He started, before smiling embarrassedly in what he hoped to be a charming manner, getting himself back on track. “I’m sorry, so… tell me about yourself?” He prompted, and Eve smiled in what appeared to be relief in response.

“Well, you know I work at Catco,” She started.

“Right, with Kara.” Mon-El added, unthinkingly. Eve paused before nodding, her eyebrows a little pinched in the middle.

“Right, with Kara.” She agreed. “And I’m really busy, so it was really nice to get your invitation out to lunch...” Mon-El nodded, trying to be a good listener.

“Yeah, Kara told me how busy it can get there.” He nodded, internally congratulating himself for his active listening skills. Maybe this date could be saved after all.

However, Eve only coughed a little and nodded, her eyebrows knitting closer together, and her arms crossed briefly before she settled on grabbing her menu and studying it. Unfortunately for Mon-El, he wasn’t very good at picking up social cues. People were much more guarded on Daxam, and honestly, this was all new to him anyways.

He often _thought_ he might be learning to pick up on body language and social cues, that he was getting better, but he had no confidence. In this case, he thought that Eve seemed to be withdrawing, but how was he to know? How could he trust his instincts when he was clearly so often wrong? Like just today, when they had bumped into Kara… if he was to trust his own instincts, he would have said something was wrong with her. Like she was somehow upset by seeing him with Eve. Like she was unhappy or even jealous to see him move on. But that just made no sense. Because she said she didn’t like him. She had come to the bar to make sure he had not vestige of hope remaining. So if all that was true, how could she be upset to see him with someone else?

So, ignoring his perception that maybe he was saying the wrong things, he continued on. “Yeah, I heard that Cat was really, uh, intense. But Kara said she had a good heart, so…” He looked up at Eve to find her still looking through her menu. “So I guess there’s that…” he trailed off awkwardly.

“Oh hmmm?” She looked up, trying to compose herself. She reapplied the smile to her face before continuing. “Yeah, uh huh.” She agreed perkily. “Yeah, Cat is very… well intense is a good word for it. But she is brilliant. Working for her, getting to learn from her, it was truly the best thing to ever happen to me.” She seemed to ease up as she talked, and Mon-El liked seeing her smile more easily. Though, he noted, it wasn’t doing anything to his stomach, like it did when Kara smiled. And he didn’t feel that lump in his throat when their eyes met. Her eyes were a perfectly lovely brown, but they didn’t pierce his own, like Kara’s that shone blue like comets.

And so the date continued. Mon-El thought it was enjoyable enough, though it was clear that neither Eve, nor anyone, was in the position of _moving_ Mon-El on, at this point. The whole venture had been laced with folly the whole time, but he was only seeing it now. He had just been so desperate for something, anything to help him. But he now supposed that only time could help him. _Time heals all wounds_ , he recalled the idiom he had heard at the bar, and hoped it to be true.

Even if Eve was not the one for him, however, he still hoped he had given her some semblance of a nice date. He really had tried his hardest, given his current circumstance. Picking up a remaining cherry tomato from his salad and throwing it into his mouth, he listened to Eve tell a story of when she first started. For some reason, since about half way through the date, all of her stories seemed to include Kara, and he smiled and listened happily enjoying himself greatly.

“And that isn’t the worst of it. When I first started, Cat almost made me die my hair brown!” She laughed, leaning forward in laughter before pushing herself back up, leaning back against her chair, a wide smile across her face as she reminisced about the tough days of her initiation into her role at Catco.

Mon-El scrunched up his face in confusion, laughing along. “Brown? Why? Your hair is so pretty, I like it blonde. It’s a little like –“

“Kara’s.” Eve finished for him, with a good natured roll of the eyes and smirk at him. Conspiratorially, Mon-El might add. Like they were in on a secret together. She let out a chuckle before continuing. “That’s why Cat wanted me to dye it. She said I looked too much like Kara, that if she wanted a perky blonde assistant was too “last season”, whatever that meant.” She chuckled. “That was one matter I’m glad I won on. You really had to pick your battles with Cat. Things are much more relaxed with James.” She added, as the bill arrived. Mon-El grabbed the bill and without looking laid his DEO-issued credit card down on top of it, and the waiter left to return with the machine.

“You know, I’ve had a really nice time, Eve.” Mon-El said with sincerity. _Just not the right kind of nice time._ He didn’t add out loud. He’d had a wonderful time laughing with Eve who was friendly and easy to talk to, and hearing all these stories about Kara. He’d been able to ask about her, and it had been great, though perhaps not helpful, in the end. Because if anything, he thought he probably had only doubled down on his feelings for Kara, having now had the opportunity to reflect on what he really wanted when confronted with choice. He tried not to feel too sad about it at just this moment, because he was trying to show Eve a good time. She had been really very nice to him, despite him probably saying the wrong thing about a hundred times.

“It was nice to see you again, Mike.” She said with a smile. “I’m glad you asked me out… but can I say something? Just before we go… just stop me if I overstep my—“

“No, go ahead!” He interjected awkwardly. She smiled sadly and nodded.

“Well it’s just that, well, if you want to keep going on these dates – with other girls –“ She added, as if to make sure he knew she didn’t mean with herself. So this had not been a love connection from her perspective, either. “You should really try to get over your feelings for your ex-girlfriend first.” She added, to which Mon-El could only drop his jaw in reply, suddenly incapable of speech. What did she mean? Ex girlfriend? “You know, if you are serious about finding someone to connect with.” She added, to fill the empty silence.

Mon-El’s jaw hung open for another second before hastily nodding, and then shaking his head as if to negate the nod. “No, sure, sure… but… what? Girlfriend? I don’t-I don’t have any ex-girlfriends here.” He stammered. “Here, as in, National city. Not Earth. I mean, I have ex-girlfriends. But—“

“I mean Kara, Mike.” Eve interrupted, and Mon-El found his jaw open once more for a moment before he shook his head vehemently.

“No! No, no, no. No—Kara and I—That is to say, me and Kara, we—“ The words tumbled out of his mouth. “No, it is Kara and I, well we never. We never _dated._ We’re just friends.” He assured her. “Juuussst. Friends.” He added, staccato, emphasizing each word with a singsong voice and chop of his hand, to drive home the point.

Eve just smirked as she stood up with her purse, ready to head back to work. “Mmmhmm, ok Mike.” She replied, the sly smile not leaving her face as she held out her hand to Mon-El. He took the hand and instead of shaking it, he bowed and kissed it formally, causing Eve to blush and giggle as she tooke it back. “It was a pleasure, thank you again for lunch, and for inviting me.”

Mon-El smiled back at her easily. “The pleasure was all mine. So I take it—no more dates?” He questioned uncertainly, just to make sure. Eve chuckled and shook her head.

“I don’t think so. But I’d love to go out to lunch again some time, you know, as friends.” She smiled, leading the way to the door. “I’ll make my own way back to work, we’re just around the corner. But Mike, before I go…” She looked him in the eyes before completing her parting message. “Just _talk_ to her. Okay?” She asked, looking to his eyes for agreement. He tried to give her what she wanted to see, and nodded, smiling shyly.

Mon-El didn’t know what to say to that, but he knew Eve was just trying to help. “Sure, yeah… I’ll talk to her.” He agreed, and she smiled and turned and began walking away towards Catco. She didn’t need to know that he already had… and it hadn’t changed anything. No, talking about it would do nothing now. The ship had sailed. The only hope Mon-El had at this point to getting over Kara was time.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it!!! Please let me know what you thought in the comments. They pretty much give me life. I'm in love with Karamel and the story line and I hope my writing from Mon-El's perspective is doing the character a reasonable amount of justice. I don't want to veer from cannon, I am loving the slow burn story so much as it is, but I just want to flesh it out and savour in it. I'm hoping to keep it going if you guys continue to enjoy it!

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this and think I should continue, let me know in the comments! :)


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